Both of my Grandparents, Kelinu (Michael) and Daisy were born and raised on a tiny Southern European island with a rich history, called Malta. They spoke Maltese, and ate pastizzi and hobz biz-zejt, and spent their childhood running for shelter from Italian and German bombs.
They fell in love when Daisy was 13 and Mike was 15. When my Grandfather had an opportunity to move to Canada to start a new life, he boarded a ship, leaving his childhood love behind.
They continued to write letters and send each other pictures, and were eventually reunited less than two years later.
At the time it would have been expensive for my Grandfather to return to Malta, but unheard of for an unwed woman to travel across the world to meet a man. Instead, my Grandmother was married in Malta to my Grandfather, who didn’t attend. It was called a marriage “by proxy”.
It wasn’t uncommon for young Maltese men and women to leave their motherland for a new one.
Sixty years ago when you left your home, there was little chance for a quick return. As new immigrants, there wasn’t money for a return trip, or technology to keep in constant contact with family left behind.
After 11 years in Canada, my Grandmother (Nanna), was finally reunited with her mother, who visited her oldest child after a decade apart. Finally when Nanna’s children were 12, 10, and 4, she returned to Malta for the first time since she was 16.
As the children grew and chartered planes became common the visits increased, and my own mother, the middle child of the family, came to know and love her Nanna Polly, and appreciate the rich culture and history of Malta.
“It’s hard, you’ll always think about your mom and dad and the people you left behind. Even though when I go to Malta there are a lot of things I don’t like. When I’m away I miss it. I live with the memories I left behind,” said my Nanna, when I asked her about mothering away from her home.
The concept of being away from family while raising your children isn’t an ancient one.
Stacey Warnholtz, a expectant mother with a young son, is also raising a family away from her homeland of Australia. She lives in Guelph with her husband, Jon Warnholtz.
Stacey was raised in the country in New South Wales, Australia. One of four daughters, she grew up in a close knit family, but always had the travel bug.
“I always wanted to live overseas,” said Stacey. Her plan was to live and travel as a single woman for five years.
Plans changed when she met her now-husband, Jon, after her first week in Canada. Stacey still spent time travelling across Canada, working at various camps.
In July 2013, less than two years after her trip to Canada, Stacey was married and living in Canada with her husband. By May 2014 Stacey was pregnant with her first child, Levi, and their plans began to change.
“When we got married our plan was to stay in Canada for a maximum of five years, and then have kids in Australia,” said Stacey.
Stacey is nearing three years of marriage, and will soon have her second child in Canada. She also recently bought a house, making her stay in Canada even more permanent and potentially long-term.
Stacey said that parenting without her family around has been hard, but isn’t all negative.
“I was able to figure out what I wanted to do and discover motherhood on my own. It was good for me and Jon to figure things out together,” said Stacey.
Still, not having her mother and sisters around to help and grow a strong bond with her son has been difficult.
“I want Levi to have an Aussie accent,” said Stacey. “It’s hard knowing he won’t have the childhood foods I had, or get to spend time at the ocean.”
She added that there’s special memories she made in Australia, like shopping at certain stores, that she won’t be able to share with her children.
“The whole experience has taught me how important community is. It has forced both Jon and I to make a community,” said Stacey.
And the truth of that is important today, just as it would have been in the 1960’s, when my Nanna was building her home and community away from home.
Regardless of time passed, raising a family away from your motherland is hard, and no matter how much time is spent away from your place of birth, there is always a sense of home in the country of your childhood.
