“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
Each day I wake up, with bleary eyes and a foggy brain, and stumble out of bed. I quickly grab my phone on my side table, and make my way down the stairs with my two daughters trailing behind.
We turn on the TV to Max & Ruby or Peppa Pig and I collapse onto the couch.
Within a few minutes I have turned on my WiFi, and am checking Facebook and e-mail.
A strange thrill goes through me when I see that I have sixteen notifications, and seven unread emails.
I scroll through my newsfeed, my mind numb, completely disengaged from my surroundings.
Eventually I drag myself off the couch and brew coffee in my French Press, while pouring cereal for my girls.
The rest of the day I feel the pull of my phone and I find myself scrolling mindlessly throughout the day.
My kids don’t take notice, because they’re to engrossed in whatever TV show we have on. We often turn to the TV between play dates, meals, and time spent at the park.
Yet, I feel the pit of my stomach churning, in angst and frustration, at the way that we are spending our down time, and our disengagement from each other.
As much as we communicate and engage outside of our home, we seem to turn off when we’re inside. We watch TV, scroll through social media feeds, and become mindless zombies feeding on technology.
A few days ago I decided enough was enough. I deactivated my Facebook account, and sat down with my four-year-old and two-year-old. I explained that things would be changing around here, and we would be spending less time in front of the TV and more time looking into each other’s faces, communicating and engaging with each other.
The first few days have been rough. I have almost caved a few times, and felt lonely and missed my “Facebook friends” more than I would like to admit. I wish I could post the cute photo I captured of two-year-old Georgia, but remember that I can’t. I feel a twinge of sadness, until I remember to check myself. What is the motivation in sharing every single moment with my 500+ friends?
I remember when I signed up for Facebook 9 years ago, and how bored I was with the new social media platform. At the time, I would spend maybe five minutes every few days online. I found nothing special about it, and didn’t understand the hype. It wasn’t until I stopped working full-time and had two children that I found myself engaged in the online world.
I loved seeing my friends’ posts. I became engrossed in political commentary. I enjoyed sharing my thoughts and opinions, even the ones that should have probably been kept to myself. I’ve had my fair share of Facebook controversy over the years, not knowing when to keep my mouth shut, or not thinking before I typed.
Some friends joked with me that I posted all day. I smirked back, but the words really hurt. Was I posting too much? What was wrong with me, and why didn’t I have self-control in this area like so many others?
I think there’s some beautiful connections that can be made online, and it’s really special to be able to keep up with old high school friends, or family memories across the continent. But, there’s also a darkness to social media, and I find myself on the dark side all too often than I’d like.
Since being more intentional with our time at home I have seen my daughters thriving, as they connect with each other more, and I connect with them more.
This morning I stumbled out of bed and headed straight to the kitchen, where my kids were sitting at the table ready for breakfast. I had them ready for daycare in half the time, my phone untouched for the morning as I prepared breakfast, packed lunch, and put together their backpack.
After breakfast we kept the TV off, and my kids played on the couch quietly and enjoyed their morning together. They didn’t need a TV show to entertain them, they are doing fine finding ways to entertain themselves.
As for me, I have been enjoying different hobbies at home. Last night I spent my evening “adult colouring” while my husband was at work. Each morning I have prioritized quiet time, journaling and reading my Bible, two things I find essential for my day. My kids have been watching me too, as they see their mother become intentional about self-care.
Together we have been making crafts, reading books, and playing Lego.
This week I stumbled on some words that I had written over three years ago, and I felt as though my younger self was speaking directly to me:
“Dear hurried woman, please slow down. Because before you know it, there will be no small children to rush around.”
Do you think social media is impacting motherhood in a positive or negative way? Please share in the comments below!
