Death is inevitable for all of us but the way people deal with the loss of a loved one varies from one culture to the next.
Helping people progress through the different stages of grief has been the focus of art therapist, Nicole Fantin, at Hospice Wellington.
“I recognized an absence in the Western cultural fabric,” said Fantin. “There wasn’t a language where we talked about death and dying anymore. We have very few rituals at best and if we do they are highly sterilized. One of my goals in the work I do is to create or revitalize ritual space that allows for grief to be encountered as an individual but also as a collective.”
In 2012, Fantin initiated a project at Hospice Wellington designed to help people process their grief through art, specifically in the ritual creation of a tapestry they call The Community Weave.
“The Weave has evolved over the years,” said Fantin. “It was created to represent a community story. People came either as individuals or as family units to write a piece of their story in connection to perhaps what they experience here in respect to death or dying or the family that continues.”
The original Community Weave, created by more than 80 families, hangs on the wall outside the meeting room of the Community Service Level at Hospice Wellington. A new one is created each year and every weave produced since 2012 has been burned in a ritual known as a despacho.
“Despacho translates as a living prayer bundle,” said therapist and shaman, Linda Ludwig. “It is used in Peru for many things – any holiday or time of transition such as births, deaths, new job, new house and planting or harvesting crops. In the despacho the ash goes back to the Earth and fertilizes the Earth so more life can grow and the flame releases the smoke and the prayers so they can rise to the divine.”
Ludwig led a group of people through a despacho ceremony Sunday morning at Hospice Wellington.
“We change it slightly for here and allow people to participate more directly,” said Ludwig. “Everyone here has their individual pain but we are coming together in a community to share that and to know we’re not alone.”
Participants took part in assembling a sacred bundle that consisted of a variety of symbolic items such as sugar, herbs, seeds, paper and chocolate as well as tags and fragments of fabric from the Community Weave.
“I’ve had people who have begged me, please don’t burn the weave,” said Fantin. "There is a visceral response within ourselves because we don’t want to let it go. In truth, when we allow this to be burned – allow for it to be taken back by the earth, we are allowing ourselves to acknowledge our grief has indeed changed.”
The despacho ceremony Sunday attracted a variety of people at different stages of grief. Battista Vendittelli lost his wife Carol Mifsud in the fall of 2016 after a seven-year battle with cancer.
“I did group sessions here,” said Vendittelli. “I was always the only guy and I am the only guy here today. It was interesting to say the least. I really didn’t know what to expect. My wife probably would have enjoyed this and that’s why I am here.”
Diane Berry’s father Earl Matthews spent nine weeks at Hospice Wellington before he died in January of this year
“My parents were married for 62 years and Mom stayed with him the whole time he was here,” said Berry. “It was a safe place for them to be together and they had an amazing number of visitors. It made my dad feel good. I didn’t know what to expect when I came today. It opens up your thinking and I believe it provided some closure.”
