Every now and then, journalists will cover stories that are challenging. Sometimes it’s tracking down someone you only have a name for or it could be digging into a several hundred-page report trying to make sense of it and explain it in an understandable way to readers.
This week, it was keeping my personal feelings and emotions in check while speaking with a family that lost a loved one. I have done this before but never under circumstances like this.
Mathias Bunyan was a 31-year-old from Fergus who was shot and killed by police at his apartment on Sunday. I had seen a few family members speak with other media and happened to come across his sister on social media.
To my surprise, the family was willing to talk with me just two days after his death.
As the time we arranged to talk approached, I found I was asking the same kind of questions you might ask yourself before going to a funeral or viewing.
What do you say to someone in such significant grief? Do you say you’re sorry for their loss?
As a journalist, do you just jump right into the questions and ask for the details?
What if I say the wrong thing?
I would argue that most people would be nervous going into a conversation like this.
Everybody is different but I don’t usually say I’m sorry for your loss at funerals. I’m not heartless, I understand people are grieving, but I question what my condolences are really worth?
People are not wrong for doing so but I think saying “I’m sorry for your loss” is often a way to fill space as people are nervous and don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving.
In my opinion, there lies the key to it, there is no right thing to say. Bunyan’s family did not agree to talk to me to hear my sympathies but for me to listen to what they have to say.
From there, you let what comes to your mind naturally but keeping in mind they have trusted you enough to share their thoughts and feelings.
It’s hard not to want to comfort the family when you hear the intense pain and grief in their voices as they talk about their brother and what happened to him. There lies the balance of being respectful and empathetic while remaining as a neutral third-party.
This job isn’t always easy but it’s often harder for those we talk to. Having the hard conversations is an important part of the job so those like Mathias Bunyan and his family can have a voice beyond what is heard in a police release.
