In loving memory of
Lisa Scott-Mooney; February 12, 1999
Dear Love,
Every time I see that fairytale ending, I have to look away. As much as I wish it for me, I just don't see it happening that way.
It's easier to shrug it off, as a fictional fantasy, than to believe it is ever meant to be.
I see happiness when I see a wedding ceremony. It reminds me of you. Of the way I felt, when I married you.
But sadness overtakes, and I have to look away. It hurts too much too be reminded of the love I lost in losing you. Broken, a piece of me died with you that day.
Your loss, I carry to this day. One I could not bear again. The door has closed. The walls in place. Emptiness is easier than losing again.
It was just one small part of our world you touched. But your touch continues through us all, and more.
I walk down a hall, or sit in a restaurant, I see you. In someone else's walk, in their voice, the way they dress, or the way they have their hair. It makes me smile to think of you...
But with reality, sadness returns, and I look away, eyes fill.
A show, someone says goodbye to a loved one, bringing back that night. Looking as though you were asleep, but knowing full well you would never awake. I tried to speak, my voice was gone. Like a scar that never goes away, I will never forget that day.
If I could only have had one more moment with you, to hold your hand and let you know how much I loved you. A chance to say good bye.
How devastating the blow for your smallest admirer. She looked up to you with admiration and love.
Today, she holds your memory in the wings of an angel. You'd be happy to know, she carries your boldness, alongside the tenderness, and now has a child of her own.
The other learns of you at the shed of tears. If they take in any part of the woman you were, I know their world will be a far better place. For with you, the short time we had, changed our world forever.
Today, I put my strength into them. A strength I learned from you. Oh how I wish they could have grown up having you at their side.
Every day that comes, I think of you. Your silly jokes, your mischievous smile. And how you lightened up the room when the mood was low.
What do you do when all your dreams came true? How do you top that. Because mine came true with you.
Twenty years have past. For me, it was yesterday. Making plans for Valentines, our first as husband and wife.
Then to have it all taken away in a moment.
I often wonder... if I got there just minutes sooner, would you still be here? Could I have changed something, somehow?
During holidays and family times, when families come together, I see joy and happiness. I look away.
I turn, because of what I can not bear. It's easier to not look upon the fairytale, than the reminder of what once was, will never again be.
I dread the thought of anyone else having to experience such a loss. Our family has been through enough. But if it is to come again, I hope your strength comes through in our hearts.
You were my best friend. You were the rock that held us all together. I still carry your memory with pride, one that I am happy to share. Because I hope those who didn't know you, will have a chance, with your memory.
...always in our hearts, forever in our memories...
With love,
~mister
