Earlier this week I noticed a post on Facebook, in one of my favourite groups Guelph Moms Supporting Moms, that sparked a lot of positive contributions from mothers in the community.
Andrea Munk, a mom of two and small business owner of Cedar Lily Boutique posted: “What do you do that's just for your own fun? What do you do besides being a mom and just life maintenance? Or do you only focus on your family and work? Just looking for ideas and inspiration.”
Munk’s question sparked conversation and many wonderful responses from local moms. I enjoyed reading through the nearly 30 comments, and was inspired by the activities and interests, from women who sing in choirs, enjoy photography, cooking classes, arts and crafts, horseback riding, dance, video games, warm baths, and play in various sports leagues.
The overall message was that these women are prioritizing themselves and their own personal interests by investing time and energy in activities that bring them personal fulfillment. There have been months, and even years where I couldn’t think beyond the pile of laundry and taking a shower, but those years are starting to come to a close.
I talked with Munk about why she posed her questions in the group, and she said, “Because basically since I became a mom, I don't feel like there is anything that I really do that's just for me.”
Munk shared the guilt she feels leaving her kids with her husband to pursue her own interests, and her struggle with deciding on one thing when there’s so many options. Still, she makes time for herself by regularly meeting for brunch with some of her friends, but she always feels like she needs to rush back home. Munk shared that because of the responses from the women in our group, she was inspired to commit to a new activity, and is going to connect with one of the adult choirs that someone recommended.
Now that my kids are enjoying some independence, I am also feeling that I need to prioritize myself and commit to some activities. I’ve been inspired by my own children, who are discovering their own interests, from gymnastics, swimming, dance and Girl Guides. It’s made me realize that it’s important that I continue to nurture my personal interests and talents too.
As an introvert my me-time may seem fairly relaxed to some, but for me it is what nurtures my creative energy and gives me peace and rest. Some of the ways that I have doing include: reading more fiction books, downloading and listening to podcasts while driving or putting away laundry, and trying to get back into the routine of regular exercise at the gym. These are things that I do for myself, that elevate my happiness and leave me re-energized.
In the early years of motherhood my role as mom, and even wife, felt shiny and new. It was easy to lay all of my hopes and dreams on the privilege of raising tiny humans. What I forgot was that I needed to nurture my own self too, in order to be a whole and independent woman. I am not mom or wife, first. I am Brianna, someone who has a history long before I met my husband, or brought kids into the world.
Losing Brianna in favour of “Mom” means that I lose who I am, the core person who has lived three decades cultivating her spirit and soul. Motherhood brings me fulfilment and joy too, no doubt, but it’s not all-consuming or all-defining either. To only be mother would be disservice to myself, and my children too.
