The holiday season can be a particularly difficult time for those who have experienced a loss.
“People are encouraged to be with their friends and family and if they’re missing someone, that absence becomes more pronounced,” says Jaime Bickerton, executive director of Bereaved Families of Ontario - Midwest Region.
Earlier this month, the organization hosted a series of free workshops that provided coping strategies to participants experiencing grief during the holiday season.
But what can the friends and family of a grieving person do to help? We sat down with Bickerton to find out some of her top tips to help ease what can otherwise be a difficult time of year.
1. Be a buddy
Who couldn’t use a trusty sidekick for manoeuvring smoothly in/out of some conversations? Try offering to accompany a grieving friend or family member to holiday events. Knowing that they have a support-system can make a big difference in their experience and willingness to attend, Bickerton says. Let the host know that you might have to duck out early and help keep interactions as free from stress as possible.
2. Acknowledge, even if it’s awkward
Feeling clumsy and ill-equipped to navigate conversations about death and sorrow is normal. “There is that hesitation and nervousness around saying the wrong thing so, often times, people just don’t say anything at all,” Bickerson says. This may lead to other challenges for the grieving person, namely, isolation.
She recommends keeping it simple. Try: “I know this time of year may be difficult for you and I just wanted you to know that we’re thinking about you.”
3. Don’t “should” on people
Everyone’s experience of grief looks different. It might look like staying at home alone or it might look like a lot of rum eggnog and Mariah karaoke. Avoid statements like, “You should do X, it will make you feel better.” There is no right way to grieve.
4. Reach out
Don’t avoid sending the invitation to a grieving friend or family member. Just because someone has experienced a loss doesn’t meant that they won’t want to participate. Be aware that they may say ‘no,’ or they may say ‘yes’ and then change their mind. It’s (probably) not your cooking.
5. Make room for sadness
There can be a lot of pressure on people to express happiness and enjoy the holiday season. Understand that this may not be where grieving folks are at. Allow space for sadness at seasonal gatherings and avoid creating a spectacle if tears are shed.
Ultimately, Bickerson says that simply being present and acknowledging the struggle for grieving friends and family can make a big difference.
Bereaved Families Ontario serves over 900 clients in midwestern-Ontario area. They offer programming and resources for coping with grief. Get in touch with the team here.