After organizing a number of successful mix and mingle events intended for seniors who are gay, lesbian or transgender, the next step for Dorothy 'Dot' Mercer and Terry Keleher may be to facilitate a two-way dialogue between those seniors and the young people of today.
Mercer and Keleher organized the first mix and mingle meeting in October of 2018 and most recently held three more of those events this fall at the Evergreen Seniors Community Centre.
The events were intended to be a safe space with everybody invited. That’s in contrast to how gay and trans people would sometimes have to get together in decades past, keeping one step ahead of law enforcement and intolerant people who were against them.
“We would do stuff underground, but I don’t want to do things underground and in secret anymore, where we aren’t counted or valued — I am wonderful, warm, outgoing, funny human being. I can’t understand why some people wanted to throw rocks at me, but they did,” said Mercer.
Ageing has come with the side benefit.
“Right now, we don’t look like queers,” said Mercer. “This is not fake grey hair. Now I am in the grocery line and they say, ‘oh madam, may I help you?’ They don’t go, ‘hey queer, get out of the way.’
“That general kindness given toward humankind was not given to us for a very long time,” she added.
Bad weather put a damper on some of the dates, but overall Mercer said they were a success
The events were open to everybody, including allies and straight people seeking more information or just looking to have a good time.
“We put something together this last 18 months that I think is fabulous,” said Mercer. “We know that mix and mingle works.”
One benefit of allowing everyone to come, said Mercer, was that it allowed people who chose to live in the closet to come and not be outed if they didn’t want to.
“We said we are going to mix and mingle, but you’re not going to know who you’re mingling with,” said Mercer. “We had allies, we had other people who just thought it was a good idea to come out and be supportive — and it worked.”
Keleher added, “for some people, it’s just about being brave enough to come.”
Seniors who identify as LGBTQ+ have all of the challenges of every other senior, with the addition of issues that come with being gay or trans.
Some people who have lived openly gay or trans lives have even had to go back into the closet as senior citizens because some of the stigma and homophobia that can still exist in senior populations, like at long-term care homes.
“We are looking for positive solutions to these issues — and we welcome the straight and gay community to come together, because it eventually helps everyone,” said Keleher. “This is what it’s all about — letting people know, informing people. Letting them see us as individuals and as people rather than the caricature that some people portray us as.”
Through advancements in medication, people can now live relatively normal lives with AIDS, but Mercer is concerned at the level of care they may receive when going into seniors homes.
Mercer and Keleher are going to take some time off of organizing events until the spring and may shake up the mix and mingle format for future events.
One other event Mercer is working to get off the ground is a mentors program through Out on the Shelf that would match LGBTQ+ seniors with young people who also identify as gay or trans.
With the lived experience of living through the AIDS epidemic and at a much less tolerant time, Mercer believes she would have a lot to teach the young people of today.
“The young people I have met are just so enthusiastic about their lives,” said Mercer. “I could have a really good time and they could learn tons of stuff — and they could teach me to use that frickin’ computer.”
Keleher helps to run the Pride Seniors event every year at Guelph Pride. He has seen first hand how there can be a technological gap between seniors and younger people.
“When we talked about it, they say send it electronically — Instagram, whatever. I said that is perfect, but you’re forgetting there is a whole group of people who need to see the posters and newsletter in their inbox. They were just baffled that people would need to hold a piece of paper in their hand,” he said.
During last year’s Guelph Pride, Mercer made a presentation during the Speak your Truth event where she recounted how she was forced to give up a career in the military in her early 20s due to her sexual preference and how she spent much of her life coming out of the closet and going back into it.
“There are horror stories out there that need to be heard,” said Keleher.
