Now a senior citizen living in a different time, Dorothy 'Dot' Mercer remembers ways the government, police and employers would use institutionalized homophobia to oppress people based on their sexual preference.
“I call it the bad old days,” said Mercer. “A lot of those things we lived through we still have the scars from.”
Forced to give up a career in the military in her early 20s due to her sexual preference, Mercer spent much of her life coming out of the closet and going back into it.
“But I didn’t stop being a lesbian,” she said.
Now Mercer is part of a committee hoping to put together a regular gay, lesbian and trans-friendly social group aimed at seniors.
During this year’s Guelph Pride celebrations, a one-off social event aimed at seniors was organized by Terry Keleher. He met Mercer at the event and the pair agreed it should be made into a social group that will meet regularly.
There are a lot of groups for people who identify within the LGBTQ+ spectrum, said Keleher, but gay, lesbian and trans seniors are under serviced and have their own particular needs.
“Seniors lived through a different era where it was more oppressive. It’s hard for some of those folks to come out, it’s hard for some people to share their experiences with their straight friends,” he said. “We thought this would be a good opportunity to just have fun.”
Keleher came out as gay as a senior citizen at the age of 57, after the death of his wife, who he loved dearly.
“One of the reasons I came out was because of loneliness. I have straight friends but its hard for them to understand me as a gay man,” said Keleher. “This is an opportunity for people to come out and share and deal with the loneliness factor.”
Being openly gay, lesbian or trans can be especially difficult for seniors from a social standpoint, because many straight people the same age also lived through a time when being homosexual was a criminal act and seen by some as being morally wrong.
“We all need like-minded people in our lives.” said Keleher.
Some seniors who have been open about their sexual preference for a long time have had to go back into the closet when they enter nursing homes, he said.
“They may have had allies on the outside, but now they are going into an entirely different environment and they don’t have those allies with them,” said Keleher.
Seniors who are gay, lesbian and trans have especially high rates of depression and suicide, said Keleher.
“We need to give them a lifeline,” he said.
Keleher said he would like to see a time when we no longer use the expression ‘coming out of the closet’.
“I want there to be a time a time when you are what you are — you don’t have to make a special announcement,” said Keleher.
Mercer recalls the meeting for seniors during the last Guelph Pride as being magical. She met one cis-gendered senior who said she was there to learn more about the gay community in support of her own granddaughter.
“What a great reason to come out, to listen to our experience to help her with that process,” said Mercer.
The first meeting of the new group will be held from 1:30 to 3:30 p.m. on Oct. 10 at Evergreen Seniors Community Centre.
Mercer is not sure what to expect, but hopes it will be positive and continue on into the future.
“We have had a great deal of positive support, not just from our gay, lesbian and trans organizations, but from the general population,” she said. “We don’t want to stop, it’s too important.”
The meetings are intended to be a safe space for not just openly gay seniors, but also people who are questioning, still in the closet, family or allies.
“There’s a whole issue of confidentiality and we will establish that right at the beginning,” said Keleher. “It needs to be a safe meeting space because there are seniors not ready to be out.”
Although Mercer remembers a lot of bad times for herself and friends who are gay, lesbian and trans, she said they still had a lot of fun.
“We could go dancing and have crazy parties — we just had to pay a terrible price,” said Mercer.
Now, as a senior, Mercer said she has the time and energy to give back to the community.
“I can do more now, my job is not at stake,” she said. “You can do what you want, you can’t take my pension.”
