The loss of a pet is one of the realities of life, but the grief can carry on even after a pet is put down.
Susanne and Gerald Latour lost their beloved greyhound Josie in January. To help overcome that loss and the pain it brought, the Latours turned to a specialized pet counsellor at the Ontario Veterinary College.
Sarah Bernardi is the only veterinary social worker embedded into a hospital setting in Guelph, she said. She works at the University of Guelph’s Ontario Veterinary College.
She is a registered social worker and in 2017 she came across a job listing for a veterinary social worker. This was the first she had heard about this type of work.
Although she doesn’t have a specialty in veterinary care her social work skills are transferable.
“And I remember losing my first dog, and it was devastating. And I didn't understand anything. And still haven't, to this day, I've never seen my family collectively cry so hard is when we had to have that dog euthanized,” said Bernardi.
It became clear people needed a safe, non-judgmental space where their loss could be validated.
Josie became a patient at OVC when she was diagnosed with chronic leukemia in 2021. With chemotherapy the doctor gave her six months to a year.
Part of Bernardi’s work at OVC is helping people with anticipatory grief when a pet has a terminal illness. For many people grief is triggered the moment their pet is diagnosed, she said.
Josie made it a couple of years but her condition declined quickly when she was diagnosed with Richter syndrome.
This isn’t how the Latour’s want her to be remembered. Josie didn’t know she had cancer and people couldn’t tell either since she was so happy.
She had the ability to draw people out of their shell and make their bad day turn better.
That’s the magic of Josie, said Gerald.
He found it helpful to speak to someone with a background in grief around pet loss.
The dog-to-human bond is like no other “and I think the grief associated with losing that bond is also incredibly unique,” he said.
People often place grief in a hierarchy and loss of a pet is called a disenfranchised grief since it’s not always socially validated, said Bernardi.
When people lose a pet they sometimes hear “you can just get another.”
Clients will often come to Bernardi and express “I want to know that I'm not crazy for feeling this sad,” since there can be shame around it.
Bernardi approaches her sessions to meet her clients where they are. There are no expectations but it works as an opportunity for people to talk about their loss so she can help guide them in their journey.
Pet grief counsellors and people who have pets understand the heartbreak, said Gerald.
The Latours have lost three of their dogs since 2018, and their family of six became three this year. Before Josie, there was Ellie and Marley.
The Latours sensed their greyhound Peanut also felt the loss of her companion. It hurt to see her hurt. They welcomed greyhound Shandy to their family two weeks ago.
It can be difficult because “you're grieving a pet, and you're trying to bring in another pet and not having that grief rub off,” said Susanne.
She found counselling helpful since she spoke with someone who wasn’t directly involved and was able to express her grief through the memories she has of Josie.
Veronica Negrin has had her own experiences with pet loss and runs Sunshine Pet Memorials in Guelph. She provides funeral services and burials for pets.
She wants to become a grief coach because she sees people struggling with loss all the time.
Negrin recognizes the stigma around pet loss because people find it hard to talk about their grief to family and friends who don’t have pets.
She has a bereavement certificate and this helps her communicate with grieving pet parents.
The cost associated with veterinary health treatment and making tough decisions like euthanasia when it comes to the future of one’s pet is something people don’t often plan for, Negrin said.
Since Bernardi can only help people who are clients of OVC, she shares a list of pet loss resources and guides online through the OVC’s Pet Trust.
Next month Hospice Wellington will host OVC Pet Trust for an online session where Bernardi will share how people can navigate pet loss.
About eight years ago Negrin lost her dad and golden retriever in close succession. While her dog Imix was ill, Negrin went to Mexico for her dad’s funeral. She would call home to ask how Imix was and she was not doing well. Negrin said her dog waited for her to come home before she passed on.
Thinking about Imix and her dad brought Negrin to tears. She remembers her dog would get ready for bed by bringing her bed to her favourite spot.
After the passing of her loved ones she had an online counselling session and it was helpful.
Negrin is a member of the Association of Pet Loss and Bereavement, a nonprofit which aims to highlight the field of pet loss and provide grief support for families. It has resources like guides and support groups.
Gerald and Susanne have supported each other and attending counselling was a piece of their grief journey. They want people who are going through a similar grief to them to know support, counselling and resources are out there. This way some of the pain around pet loss can lessen and people can get the help they need.
They want to honour Josie and the way they’ve been doing that is by sharing memories about her.
When Gerald thinks of Josie he thinks of this saying “not all angels have wings, some have paws.”
